How to help someone who drinks too much

The approach with the best evidence for getting a reluctant drinker into treatment is CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training), which coaches you, the family member, rather than confronting them. In a 1999 trial, CRAFT got 64% of drinkers into treatment, compared with 30% for a staged confrontation and 13% for Al-Anon facilitation.

You can’t make someone stop. You can change the odds that they get help, and you can make your own life more bearable while you wait.

Three approaches, one trial

The study most people cite is by William Miller, Robert Meyers and Scott Tonigan, published in 1999. It enrolled 130 family members of problem drinkers who weren’t interested in treatment. Each family member got 12 hours of counseling in one of three approaches.

Approach	What the family member learns	Drinkers who entered treatment
CRAFT	Ways to encourage positive behaviors in the person who drinks	64%
Johnson Institute “intervention”	How to stage a planned group confrontation	30%
Al-Anon facilitation	How to join and use Al-Anon for their own support	13%

The intervention numbers hide a detail. In the Johnson group, 70% of families decided not to go through with the confrontation at all. Among the families that did, 75% got the person into treatment. So the confrontation often works when it happens. Most families just never get to that point.

When CRAFT worked, it usually took 4 to 6 sessions. A companion study in 2002 with families of people using illicit drugs, not alcohol, found similar results for drug use.

NIAAA’s summary says CRAFT “has been shown to be more effective than confronting the person in an ‘intervention.’”

All three groups of family members improved about equally in their own functioning and in their relationship with the drinker. Whichever route you choose, getting support yourself helps you.

Starting the conversation

NIAAA’s Alcohol Treatment Navigator gives a short list of advice for the first talk. Most of it comes down to timing and tone.

• Choose the right time. Not while they’re intoxicated.
• Watch your tone. NIAAA’s words are “try to adopt a nonjudgmental tone.”
• Don’t gang up. NIAAA warns against ganging up on the person or backing them into a corner, which is close to what a staged intervention does by design.

It helps to have one concrete next step ready before you talk, such as a nearby program from the treatment directory or the ZIP code finder. If they say yes, you can act on it that week instead of starting a search.

If they say no, that isn’t the end: in the 1999 trial the drinkers started out unmotivated, and CRAFT still got 64% of them into treatment.

If they agree to see someone

Mention that medication is an option. Any physician can prescribe the FDA-approved drugs for alcohol use disorder, and NIAAA says they aren’t addictive. Our guide to medications for alcohol use disorder lays them out.

Never give anyone a medication without their knowledge. That includes adding something to food or drinks. Disulfiram’s label says it must never be given without the patient’s full knowledge, and it tells doctors to instruct relatives accordingly. A hidden dose plus a drink can cause a severe, even fatal, reaction.

If treatment includes family members, take part if you can. NIAAA lists couples and family counseling, which brings spouses and relatives into the process, among the evidence-based options.

Al-Anon, Alateen and other support for you

Al-Anon describes itself as a mutual support program for people whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking. Alateen is part of the same fellowship and is for young people, mostly teenagers. There are no fees or dues.

In the 1999 trial Al-Anon facilitation was the least likely to get the drinker into treatment. That’s not its purpose. It’s support for you.

If a 12-step format doesn’t suit you, SMART Recovery runs free Family & Friends groups, in person and online.

Looking after yourself

Your own health counts here, not only theirs. Counseling for you is worth doing for its own sake.

If you can find a counselor who offers CRAFT, you get both things at once: support for you, and the method with the best record for engaging the person you’re worried about. When you contact programs in the directory, ask whether they offer family counseling.

Find someone to talk to who isn’t the drinker. That could be an Al-Anon meeting, a counselor, or a call to SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357 (free, 24/7), which refers callers to local treatment.

When to call 911

If someone is in crisis, call 911, NIAAA advises. That includes a seizure, sudden confusion, or seeing and hearing things that aren’t there, which can be signs of dangerous alcohol withdrawal. For suicidal thoughts or an alcohol or drug crisis that isn’t immediately life-threatening, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline takes calls, texts and chats around the clock, and its scope includes alcohol and drug use concerns.

One specific danger: if someone who drinks heavily every day suddenly stops, withdrawal can be life-threatening. If your person agrees to quit, read how to stop drinking safely together before they do.

Sources

• Miller WR, Meyers RJ, Tonigan JS. Engaging the unmotivated in treatment for alcohol problems: a comparison of three strategies for intervention through family members. J Consult Clin Psychol, 1999;67(5):688-697 (1999)
• Meyers RJ, Miller WR, Smith JE, Tonigan JS. J Consult Clin Psychol, 2002;70(5):1182-1185 (PMID 12362968) (2002)
• NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator, FAQs (no date shown)
• NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator, Starting the Conversation (no date shown)
• NIAAA, Treatment for Alcohol Problems: Finding and Getting Help (updated February 2025)
• Disulfiram Tablets label, DailyMed (published Oct 16, 2026)
• Al-Anon Family Groups, What is Al-Anon and Alateen? (accessed Oct 24, 2026)
• SMART Recovery (accessed Oct 24, 2026)
• SAMHSA, SAMHSA’s National Helpline (last updated June 9, 2023)
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (accessed Oct 24, 2026)